A Recipe For Disaster
by rA!N
My mind hasn’t been forced to comprehend, deal with, understand, concentrate or focus on this much in a very long time. All these emotions inside of me are so tangled I can’t figure out which to let out first. They say anger makes your heart the sickest, problem is anger is the only emotion right now that I can release. I’m angry, I’m hateful, and I am sorrowed.
Watching her sleep usually brings peace to my soul. It makes me smile. The calmness of her presence blankets my heart and sends me to a beautiful place where I can rest. Tonight…watching her sleep brings nothing but pain, more anger, and emotions so high I cant do anything but sit here and cry. I’m trying so hard to be strong for her. Not to show my emotion while she is awake, or around because I need to be the strength she lacks. Unfortunately this is so fresh. My mind is so confused. I have had no time to comprehend what has happened. I haven’t had time….for reality to set in…for the shock to where off. I am simply in shock.
The reality that is staring back at me. The reality that is bruised into her face. The pain that is strained into her voice when she talks…reality. I am angry. I am sad. I am frustrated. I am broken. I am disconnected.
Realistic things, no long feel so real. Plans that were made no longer feel legit. The future stands still, until the present has time to be lifted. Will it ever be lifted? Bottom line is: Life has just been put on hold indefinitely.
Everything has forever changed. Simple things that made love feel breath taking may no longer exist. Intimacy is no longer an option. The only thing that remains is the desperate feeling of wanting her near…now more clearly than ever…now for so many other different reasons.
I was supposed to be able to protect her, I failed miserably. I am supposed to be able to comfort her, I too was unable to do that for her.
So many what if’s. Too many regrets. So much confusion. A pile of emotions.
Reality is I’m empty and I’m angry. This is a recipe for disaster.
Top it off with a couple tears that flow from her blackened eye….
My report card doesnt look good.
Reality is, Reality Bites.
And there is not a mother fucking thing I can do to stop it….
